Most of the places I dance socially the ladies are not really available for dating and mating. Lots of solo married ladies and singles that go out to just dance--not hitting or trying to pick up please. There are some married couples that are just there for the dancing, but at the same time can end up bickering over dance stuff or getting jealous if their partner dances too much with someone else.

Yes, lots are possibly looking for dance partners, but not sex partners.
And if you spend most of your social life dancing with your asexual dance partner then you are probably going to be asexual too. And both of you will probably get jealous if one shows an interest in someone else.

One male instructor used to tell me if you really learn how to dance the ladies will be all over you. He was correct, but most of the ladies just want to dance.

I am concluding that dance is a very sexy activity and is just being used as a substitute for the real thing. Sexual relationships on the dance floor can lead to all kinds of problems.

Yes, the ultimate is coupling with your dance partner, but I don't see lots of this.

My social life is all about dancing and thats about it. I am not a predatory male hitting on everyone and even if I see a sexy female--I first analyze how well she can dance. There is nothing worse than spending a whole evening with someone that can't dance that well.

With all the marketing of sex related to dancing--I think there is not a lot going on. Maybe it's some of the male dance teachers that have ladies crushing on them--that are getting all the action--not me or any of my male freinds.

Sounds like you are the type who wants to get the ladies but have some frustration doing so. Even though you admit that you're not a predatory male hitting on everyone... you probably want to see what the experience is like. For example... ask yourself.. why did you take dancing in the first place? So meet women? To dance well so you can 'pick' up women?

Almost most males fantasize about being able to lift a woman off her feet. Since one of the male dance instructor used to tell you that if you learn how to dance... ladies will be all over you? really? or is he just trying to sell the fact that you should purchase more lessons? and pay off more money?

now think about this. how do you seperate social dancing from sexual relationships? You should'nt be fed up with the hype that dancing is what makes women more attracted to you so you can get laid.

You have to think about what's in it for you and them? Would you dance with a woman who was a good dancer and not feel sexually attracted to that person because the woman was.. somewhat unattractive?

now reverse that and think about what women would think? Does she have to show a sexual interests in you even though she knows you have good dancing skills? Does she find you attractive? would she want to loosen up and be romantically or sexually involved because of your looks/personality for sexual interests or your dancing techniques for skills and sexiness?

You may never know.. and it ain't worth your time... coz every woman thinks differently. Don't get soo hung up with the fact that ladies will just drool over you because of your dancing skills.

How would she rate your attractiveness? your confidence? your personality? and all besides your dancing skills?

So the purpose of this dancing business is to get you hung up... in a male perspective... thinking that dancing is what makes women drool over you.

seriously? do you believe that?

"You broke my heart
'Cause I couldn't dance
You didn't even want me around
And now I'm back, to let you know
I can really shake 'em down"


I honestly believe dancing makes more attractive, but mostly to people who themselves can't dance. I think (and I fully understand that others might see this differently) that the more you dance the more you see other people on the dancefloor as dancers first and human beings second.
At the same time with frequent dance partners there develops such a familiarity with eachothers body. The close proximity, the touching.
I see that among the regulars in a group there will always be hugging, someone holding someone in their arms and none of it meaning anything; or at least nothing sexual. It becomes a way of communicating - example: a friend I have been dancing with for the whole 6 months that I have been dancing, walks up to me wraps her arms around me looks at the door and sighs. She doesn't need to say that that fantastic date she was hoping for didn't show up.
Touching becomes a much stronger language and thus looses the erotic part.

But if you have spend the past week glued to a person for two hours each day practicing pivots and contra rocks there is hardly going to be sparks flying just because you are touching an attractive member of the opposit sex; You have done that so often.
Or is the swinging of hips really that stimulating when the woman who does so was standing next to you in the group lesson where you had been doing latin technique?

And because I am loosing my train of thought, what I think I was aiming to get at was:
Dancing will help get the person you wanted before you danced with the person. It will help you be confident to ask this person out, it will give you something interesting to do with the person.
Let's say:
attractive woman gets asked out by 10 men: 3 ask her out for a drink, 3 ask her to go to the movies, 3 ask her out for dinner... 1 asks her out to dance. Who has already given her a slight insight into his being? And who really found something were they can have fun and get to know eachother?
The magazine Cosmopolitan (and yeah I know not what your average guy reads...) says in their dating advice to young women for their first date: 1)Find something to do where you can avoid uncomfortable silences, therefor dont go to dinner because as fancy as the restaurant might be, if you dont know what to talk about what are you going to do? Stare at him and think "Gosh this is akward and boring bust he must be rich to afford this place?" 2)Don't go to movies because you'll be sitting two hours in the dark next to a stranger
3) if you can find something else to do because always movie followed by dinner were you talk about movie and followed by drink were you hope the ice has broken gets boring anyway.

Dancing is all that.

And though I am not saying that couples cant develop through dancing (this site would prove me wrong anyway), its benefits are far greater when among non dancers or very new dancers.

I think...

It was interesting how you pick up some dating advice in Cosmopolitan... coming from a man who is perhaps... interested or should I say, working in getting through the dating scene?

Have you ever question who write those Cosmopolitan magazines? have you ever think for once... that those mags are just to SELL... and not to tell truths when people who read them actually think they're the truth? Those mags are just there to create the false perception of what it is to date... not the reality. It's like forcing a woman or any girl who read that magazine say to herself, "Ok, so don't date a guy who asks me out to the movies, dinner, or is untalkative. Instead, go out to the dancing scene and just have some fun?" But can she dance? Does she want to dance or is the mag encouraging her to find a guy who can dance therefore creating the gender stereotype that guys who can dance are fun to be around with... whilas guys who want to watch movies, relax, or sit in silence are boring? have you ever questioned its bias? Then again... who is the writer as opposed to the live person you want to be around with?

Quite honestly they are taking money out of your pockets like the male dancing instructor who said... if you can dance... women dig you. Again, he's selling the idea that buy more dances... give him more money... while you lose more money.

For once people.. don't follow those bull crap or hype in tv, mags, or any form of media... they're just a way to hypnotize you because they are there to make money off of you.

It's also funny when you say... AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN... now think of this from a woman's point of view... don't you think women are pressured in being attractive by enhancing their facial makeup or surgeries? Don't you think society, in general, has found a way to brainwash women into being beautiful? Have you ever question yourself why mags or the media encourage beautiful/attractive women like they're some high social prize? Then again what about women who feel they aren't as attractive but more unattractive?

By looking at this you are definitely excluding a lot of people in the dating scene. Now look at this from the male persepective... what should men be? Tall, dark, and handsome? Rich? popular? famous? A lot of times men think they have to fit all of that just to get a woman? Sure, be a star and you got everything? or better yet... you can be dark and handsome and not rich or tall. or just tall and dark... and rich but not handsome?

In the end... the only thing that ever matters is whether the woman you are dating likes you or not. If not then it's not the end of the world.

anonymous person (the one without the capital a),
I think you missed the whole point of the question and therefor the answers. It was more on the line of wether the idea that pulls many men into dancing "You will meet women" is just a myth used to increase sales or actually has some truth to it.

Also as you might have noticed the site is dedicated to dancing and the forum to discussions connected with the subject (be this technique or even the social context). Therefor I hope you will understand if I am not interested in following the discussion in the direction you wish to take it.

And you might not have realised, posts that have a lecturing feel, when comming from a anonumous person will very often have negative responses... anywhere on the net.

Everyone thinks someone else is getting more action than they are! Usually, it's not true.

Speaking as woman (that's the only way I can speak!), it's probably true that many or most of the women you meet dancing are there to dance, not to meet someone. Women who dance really love to dance--for it's own sake.

There are a few reasons it's hard to get dates with women you meet dancing:

Dancing involves intimate contact with a stranger. The uspoken "contract" when a woman agrees to dance with you is that your physical contact is about dancing, not about sex. A woman who agrees to let strangers get sexual gratification from touching her has another name, and it's not dancer!

Most people I know, men and women, who are really into dancing are cautious about dating people they meet in their usual dance places. That's because the dance community in most places is a pretty small one; you see the same people week after week. The vast majority of dating relationships end, so if you casually dated in your dance scene, pretty soon the whole dance floor would be full of people you've rejected or who have rejected you. How fun would that be?

Meeting women dancing is just like meeting them at work, or at the supermarket, or any place else. You're sharing an activity that gives you something in common and something to start a conversation about, but then it's up to mutual attraction, just like it is anywhere else.