Ask him for a dance. He'd be a clod to decline. Good luck.

Well Anna,
Ric hit it on the head when he mentioned making a person (instructor included) feeling obliged to dance with one. That is one of the things to which I alluded as among "many other reasons" in my earlier post. Don't put pressure on a person to dance with you. You may come across as too needy and pushy; same goes for guys, so no sexism intended here. (However, sexism may be intended elsewhere. )

Aside from personal hygeine, which is often a big reason for me to decline dances (politely), I am reluctant to dance with dancers that claim to be able to "follow anything you lead", have no frame, hang on their partners (even Arnold Schwazzenager would get tired carrying a woman around for 3 minutes) or cling too tight, or have no sense of music and rhythm. Instructors sometimes have to dance with such people to further their business, so not every one of the above will apply in that specific case.

Ask him, ie your instructor, again the next time, casually, and without mentioning how many he owes you. If he declines, try once more. And if he declines again, then you have your less-than-subtle hint. MOVE ON. Because, as the colloquialism goes, 'he ain't worth all that'..

Good luck, I hope you will find that he enjoys dancing with you as much as you do with him.

About spotting. This is what my instructor told me. Imagine everyone in the room in their undergarments.. Oh wait, that was my debate coach. Well, never mind, it still works for me.. (see what I said about sexism earlier ).

Enjoy dancing.
Sri.

Anna, just a guess, but I wouldn't read anything into your situation if I were you. One of my favorite local instructors does pretty much the same thing at his social parties, because one of his understandable primary objectives of throwing parties is to promote his instruction. He may do this by offering most dances to those who are new to the place, and/or by offering a dance to a particular student who is weak in that dance to encourage her, and/or even dancing with ladies who (unlike you) are not with a partner & therefore might get bored & leave the party if they aren't well-entertained. Try thinking of him as the host of the party, who must use his own best judgement for how to best keep the party going and promote his difficult & very competitive business, versus someone whom you think is playing favorites, and that by so doing, he continues to be in business to be able to serve you & your husband. If dancing with him is important to you, I bet if during your next private you were to say something like: "I really enjoy dancing with you sometimes at the parties and miss it", he'd likely take you for a spin once in awhile between the others that he must entertain.

Anna,

This sounds so much like an instructor that I had once. It's amazing how similar even down to the 2 step thing!!

You sound like you may new to this instructor. I had lessons with the one I refer to for 1 month before I became unhappy with him. He pulled the "dance with you" at some parties and "not dance with you" at other parties. He loved to ask me to do 2 step because he knew I hated it. He turned out to be a real sleaze who tried to cheat me out of time. He knew I was new and naive and he could get away with it. He left the studio and hearing of him thru the grapevine it sounds like he can't keep a job more than six months. I think the dancing or not dancing with me at parties was his attempt at controlling me and wanting me to want him.

After a month, I switched instructors. He created so many problems there by telling me things the new instructor said and telling the instructor things I said-- all of which were untrue. I finally ended up taking lessons with the manager.

I tell you this story in case it may be the same guy. A coincidence but it could happen.

Currently I am at a studio where there is only one male instructor. He recently told me that he didn't dance at parties because he wanted the students to learn to dance with people besides him. However, he DOES dance at parties. He has a select few that are his favorites and he always dances with them. I think it is insulting to his other students but there is nothing I can do about it. Any opinions?