I have come to realize the same thing as the original poster Anonymous. There are two things that I originally thought dancing would bring into my life, female presence and connection, and greater desireability. What has happened is the women who can dance desire to dance with me, not desire me personally! Woman who can't dance don't really give a hoot that I can, so what your male instructor said is what all male instructors love to say...Women love men who can dance. Well, thats a sales tactic because it really should go "women that can dance love to dance with men who can dance."

Of course, it can happen, the unthinkable, that a woman that you dance with actually becomes interested in you as a man and would like to date you (I know, God forbid). Recently, a woman with whom I dance with frequently at the clubs said she was atracted to me and asked me out a couple days ago. I am not interested in dating her, so she made it very uncomfortable between us by asking. I told her (after I turned her down) that I feel the best thing to do is to let the other person know that you would be willing to go out sometime if they ever were interested, and leave it at that. That way you don't corner the person and force them to tell you that they do not want to date you, which is what this lady did to me. The way things are at the salsa clubs, with many of the same girls showing up everytime, if I ask any of them out I run the unacceptable risk of screwing up our dance relationship for good when they say no. So I think its best to let them know you would if they every would like to, but do not actually ask them out unless thay do let you know.

anon 2,

You missed the point. I myself feel asexual in a dancing environment. Dance studios have a feel of extended family and most everyone are friends and take dance lessons, compete, and work on their dancing. Where I dance it's very friendly and everybody dances with multiple partners.

I have even had a romantic dance partner for a few years and it was great. Like probably everyone else--it would be nice to have a good romantic- dance partner again--but it is hard enough finding any type of somewhat equal dance partner to grow with.

Unless one is some type of exotic vacation with strangers it is more likely that ballroom dancing will be very civil and kind of like a backyard bar-b-que. Lots of people you want to be on good relations with and remain friends.

Dancing is what it's all about and maybe a few fantansies. The sex hook is just marketing.

So, let's see-

Should I avoid dancing with my mother or with my daughter? I'm really not into incest.

And the tango and the bolero are so suggestive... And the foxtrot and the waltz have all of that (ugh) contact below the waist.

Jerry