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Anger with partner
Posted by Boriskaf
11/23/2005  8:52:00 AM
Last night during our dance lesson - tango, my partner appeared to be falling forward onto me...he was off balance, and extremely dramatic. This is very typical behaviour. He is a much more accomplished dancer than I so in the past tended to blame all of his issues on me. It turned out the issue was entirely his, however, my issue is that I PUSHED him away from far too aggressively. My anger both surprised and scared me. Has anyone ever had such issues, and what did you do with it?
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by suomynona
11/23/2005  10:37:00 AM
Don't know what happened in this situation, but off balance in tango is often a result of either the lady letting her weight move back to her heel (it should be forward in the foot until the step off the foot is nearly complete) or of the man stepping directly at the lady, rather than into the diagonal CBMP or side lead positions required for tango movement.

As for the anger, have you been frustrated by something like this for some time now, and it all came out at once? You need to work together, and most likely with the coach, to solve the things that are making each of you uncomfortable - can't constantly nag partner, but can't hold concerns in either.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Annie
11/23/2005  2:10:00 PM
My husband and I have fought over dancing. Because it is my passion, when it is good, it is very, very, good and when it is bad it is horrid. Our emotions come into play because dancing expresses emotion. We have calmed down considerably through the years and now realize that sometimes dancing is more fun than other times. We all have bad days and sometimes we expect more than is reasonably possible. Most dance partners have disagreements so try to keep a sense of humor. We have learned to back off from each other if we're feeling hateful. Ladies can close their eyes and just try to follow. Gotta go
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Don
11/23/2005  7:26:00 PM
Boriskaf.I think of a dancing partnership as two people acting a part, just like the leading man and leading lady making a film. They may not know each at all, but in the film act as if they have known each other all there lives. Each one learn their lines, and they have a director. Your director is your teacher. If you and your partner learn your lines well you may make a great film.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Frankie
11/24/2005  9:56:00 AM
It has some what lifted my spirits to read of this topic. You see my partner left me for the love of dancing and naturally I am very saddened n upset (to say the least) it made me feel a bit better to think maybe he and his (new) dance partner may have some difficulties from time-to-time and that it is not going to be all roses! I am angry for a different reason!
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by operabob
11/24/2005  2:59:00 PM

My wife and I fought too. I felt the only thing you could possibly do that was worse was to play bridge with your partner.

Recently, our weekly coach (Sasha) came up to us in his group class and said (in heavy Russian accent):

"How refreshing it is to teach you. You are the only couple that doesn't fight."

I had to laugh (because we've had some bruisers in the past! LOL!)

Regardless, we have been very lucky to also get coaching from Pat Bovaird (former New Zealand champ, ISTD Fellow/Examiner and 6 or 7 times judge at the Worlds) when he visits every couple of months.

Every teacher has their approach. Part of Pat's approach includes two strong themes:

1. Dance the lady.


2. If anything goes wrong it's the man's fault. If the man does it right the lady has to do it right.

OK,that's a bit of a simplification but I've danced as woman with him and I have to say I have no choice what to do and I never have to do it under stress.

As a school teacher one of the best bit of insights I ever received was:

If things are going wrong examine what you're doing first.

So how does this equate to the fact my wife and I get along so well now?

1. I concentrate on what I'm doing right not what my partner is doing wrong.

As I've improved my own technique I'm less critical of my partner. As she gets less negativity from me she responds more positively while my getting it right makes it easier for her.


2. I recognize and accept that she is not as driven as I am so I concentrate on getting it right personally so that she has an easier time, finds it fun and tries harder.

Finally it's fun! LOL!

Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Boriskaf
11/25/2005  10:45:00 AM
To all who have replied, thanks so much for your wonderful insights, and advice. Being so new, I had no idea that there was so much fighting going on! It is most certainly a learning process, both in dance, and our own emotional maturity.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Mediterranian partner
11/27/2005  7:05:00 AM
Part of your reaction may stem from the fact that you were dancing tango...

Perhaps that's the emotions that this dance causes in you. For us (and we love tango! perhaps more than any other dance) it's a rather aggresive dance - with agression and violence barely held in check... That's what we feel like and that's what we try to show.

Of course, we never fight physically. :)
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by jerryblu
11/27/2005  5:32:00 PM
I never think of Tango as aggressive or violent. I think of it as sexually provocative, with an emotional expression similar to Bolero.

Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Mediterranian
12/4/2005  2:30:00 AM
Of course, everyone has his/her own feeling of dance moods. Even different versions of the same song may cause different interpretation by the same couple...

Basically, for me, tango emotions are defined by the original Argentine tango history. It did grow up in a rather dangerous environment - with predominantely male population, the tradition of knife fights and violence. Is it also sexual? Of course - but one does not exclude the other...

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