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Re: Anger with partner
Posted by crimson_tear
4/18/2006  8:14:00 AM
if you are haveing difficulty with anger and your partner, frist of all the issue of your partner making a mistake, bring it up with him that you think he may be doing it incorrectly, because it "feels wrong to you" and you think your doing it correctly. also, as for anger in general, next time it happens just stop for a min and breathe deep, have a sit for a min if its that bad. recently my partner and i are haveing trouble with vinenese waltz, well hes not, i am. and i was getting very frustrated with myself, because i knew how to do the moves, i knew what i was doing wrong, but i couldnt get my body to do them correctly, i had to just stop and sit down for a min. also, are you sure his os off balance? i cant think of the word he uses, but my instructor tells my partner to sort of charge through me with large steps, if your not ready for it, or simply dont know about it, it feels very wrong and very off balance. that could be whats going on.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Jim
4/18/2006  9:53:00 AM
My partner sometimes (dancing socially) is like a backseat driver telling me
specific things like--lower your
rt. shoulder, take bigger steps,
don't sway so much, stay down more
on Foxtrot, smile, keep your
frame down and in place, hold your
head up, and smile. I'm also
trying to count the beat, do
floor craft, select patterns,
think about my technique.

She is a better trained dancer than me,
so I tolerate it. She is Eastern
Europeon and is used to some
very tough dance intruction.
We have been dancing together
for 5 years, so I am sort of
gotten used to it. Most of the
time she is correct and is
doing what she believes is helpful.
All of this would really irritate me,
but now it doesn't.

I took lots of lessons on Hustle
and WCS and taught her these dances. She caught on to theses dances very quickly. Now we do about 16 different dances together, so there is plenty of
room for improvement.

There is lots of give and take in
a partnership, but when you have
a female partner thats better
than you--there is more taking
on your part.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by macha
4/18/2006  10:37:00 AM
It's normal to be upset with someone for losing contact through the body, having a heavy arm, shuffling the feet, or looking stupidly at you when they should be watching the LOD for problems.

It's also normal for the lead to be upset with the follow for having her feet perpetually right underneath his, not doing a dip correctly, or over-rotating the couple in pivot action.

It's even normal to be so frustrated that you stop, pull apart, and exclaim "Oh, for phuq's SAKE- can you JUST STAY AWAKE here? I mean DAMMIT..."

It might also be normal to give him a contemptuous shove, or make abrupt, angry movements- afterall, your anger has to come out somewhere, somehow.

However, it's NOT normal to breed a "safe environment" for "violence"- be it shoving, hissing, or snarling.

When I feel so angry that I could punch my partner in the nose, or call him an idiot, I remember what my family has done to me my entire life, and think "it's just a freakin' dance- does he really deserve it for THAT?", lose connection, put my street shoes on and quit for that session. We'll go to Subway, talk about what's wrong, and why I think he should fall into a sulphuric abyss of torture and dammnation, he'll tell me why he thinks it happened, we'll think on it, and go back to the studio and work it out.

Just like with training horses- some days, you won't be able to get through. Just put the tack up and walk away from it. Unless you get hit by a train, you will be able to come back and try again tomorrow.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by danceinconcord
11/10/2009  1:04:00 PM
awesome post! I so totally experience this frustration...it is a relief that others too endure such!
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by The Three Wise Men
2/5/2010  11:02:00 PM
Jim . If all the things you write are thrown at you by your partner who is supposedly a more experienced dancer i would suggest that you are trying to do far more than you should be doing . Unless you are capable of doing the Basics perfectly I would take myself to a good beginners class or an intermidiate class that will teach the basic action, stance and so on correctly.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Greenhorn
4/18/2006  10:50:00 AM
I'm sorry but I'm just learning English language.Could someone please tell me what this word "LOL"means.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by jerryblu
4/18/2006  11:51:00 AM
Laughing Out Loud.

It's not English, it's computerspeak.

Re: Anger with partner
Posted by DennisBeach
4/18/2006  8:27:00 PM
I think he is referring to many people seem to be focused on being in conflict and look for excuses to fight/put the other person down. As oppossed to occasionally getting upset with each other and having an occasional spat. It sounds like your focus is on working together in a positive manner and like all of us, you occasionally lose that positive focus.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Janet
4/19/2006  5:16:00 AM
I too dane with my husband, and sure it is common to become fustrated and shift blame. When we get into this situation (often!) we assess if we can fix it on our own. More times then not we choose to put it down and switch our practice to another dance. We then bring up our issues to our instructor and let him/her help us to make the corrections.

We will walk out of the door together after the practice sesssion is over, and therefore finding a way to respect each other during our sessions is high on our list.
Re: Anger with partner
Posted by Miles
4/19/2006  12:17:00 PM
My wife's anger with me usually came about from my too forcible leading. A lot of men don't realize how light, almost imperceptible, a lead has to be for a woman to follow along. And if a lead is too light, and the woman doesn't respond, at least she will stay balanced. Unfortunately it takes years for men to comprehend it

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