| I was just wondering what others views are on this. When I was learning to dance this is what I was taught - the hard way I might add, from an instructor who noticed me doing so and lecturing me firmly. It would seem so considering it is a rare occurance at any dance I've ever attended, but I think people differ as to their opinions on this "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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| I am coaching teens and pre-teens for competitions. Of course there are usually more girls than boys. Here we have a dozen girls but only one boy who happen to be my son. In the class unfortunately half of the girls would have to learn the lead as well. When they came to the social dancing on Friday nights, I would spend lots of times dancing with these girls for obvious reason. One night this older overweighted lady ( first timer to the studio ) came to me and said; " Why don't you dance with someone of your own age? " I responded with the reason above. I could have rudely answered her question with same manner, but I didn't. Had her simply asked me for a dance that night, I would had had gladly and politely complied.  |
| Originally posted by Keh Gough: I assumed this topic is for male to refuse a dance with a female since 'ghostdancer' is male. I don't usaually refuse a lady who asked me for a dance. Some examples of occasions below when I would refuse a dance........ 1). When asked by a lady who never had taken a lesson, or she obviously had no clue in dancing Viennese Waltz or Quickstep. 2). When the lady is obviously intoxicated. 3). A lady obviously was there "looking" for a man instead of enjoying dancing as a hobby. As for the ladies who I most likely not to ask for a dance, that will be totally another topic. So I will not discuss here.
 I refer to both men and women.  "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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| Personally, I think it's alright to say no. But you have to understand that you might be losing a dance partner in the long run. There are times it can be a rude experience. Refusing one partner with the excuse of 'being tired' and then finishing the dance with another partner, is extremely rude. I've had this happen to me, and by a friend no less. He hasn't made that mistake twice. Also, just replying with a 'no' and a dirty look is rude, especially if there is no reason for it. A lot of times, I've said 'no' is because I'm tired, don't do that particular dance, or because the dance has been promised. But I try to let the person know that it is okay to ask me later. But I always make it a point to dance with anyone who comes up to me and says "I am a beginner, would you mind dancing with me?" Because they've been polite and courageous to let me know that, it's rude to decline. I've seen plenty of ladies do just that. I've only outright refused partners on 3 issues: Uncomfortableness (whether I'm in danger of having my shoulder injured or they just plain creep me out):rolleyes:, A gentleman who asked my friend to dance and left her in the middle of a song because she was a beginner waltzer:mad: , and a guy who always wanted me to teach him dance patterns from the intermediate group class:eek: . I don't mind showing basic dance patterns, but I'm not an instructor and am not comfortable showing intermediate patterns and I got tired of having that battle 3-4 times a Friday evening. So where was I going with this...oh, yeah...Somebody declines a dance, shrug it off. There is always someone else who would be more than happy to dance with you. |
| When I put forth the question it was of course in mind those situations where you ask someone for a dance and they just plain tell you know. Here's one that is the worst; refusing a request for a dance only to get up and dance with someone else. I can understand as have been mentioned refusing someone who has been drinking or conducting themself in an objectionalbe manner. This in addition to what I mentioned earlier at just wanting to take a breather after doing a fast dance or if you are not familiar with a certain dance. "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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| Originally posted by Philipp: Ghostdancer, I've not yet refused a dance. It is a great matter of discipline to be dancing with someone you don't like, who doesn't smell nice etc., BUT it is the right way. I manage to enjoy myself even when dancing with someone I hate, which is one of the great things I've learnt from dancing. Fact is that even in a conservative environment where women rarely ask men for a dance, you can expect to dance up to 5 dances a night simply by being asked once, making the dance look good, and then being asked again and again after people have noticed you. This is how I used to dance when I was shy. The problem with this method is that ladies don't make it as clear that what they want is a dance - men will often walk up to ladies with their hands outstretched as a clear signal, whereas ladies will approach you as though they might just want to talk to you, and then when the music is loud, you won't understand what they're saying and it can take up to half a minute to figure out that what they're after is simply a dance! So my advice is, you go and ask, and make it clear!
You can always refuse to dance for an adequate reason, such as that you need a rest, but then you should dance with that partner later on when you've caught your breath, or at least express your regret if the music stops being played before you get round to that dance. It should really be your priority to dance with that person as soon as you're ready again. Other good reasons: You're just going home and someone is waiting for you. Something's happened with your shoe/foot/leg (blisters?). It's the last dance and the person you came dancing with should dance with you.
I'm sure you get the idea. The key to successfully refusing is to let the other person know that you do not object to dancing with them, in fact, you'd love to dance with them, only... Be charming and humorous, and you and that person will have something to talk about next time. It's always good to be seen to be sociable! Have fun! Philipp Phillip, I never refuse a dance either - like you say it's no problem if someone just finished a fast furious number and want to rest or promised this one to another. And then, I have no problem if it's a dance they are not yet familiar with. True, there are some ladies whom I'd prefer not to dance with but do so anyway. As you say it's the right thing. Where I go the ladies often ask for dances so I think they have an appreciation for not being told no as well. One lady over on another message site felt that is was more rude to expect that someone dance upon request as she put it at the requestors convenience rather than requestee, but this attitude just does not exist whenever and wherever I've gone dancing and that goes both ways in such a case since it seems to me that each is only wanting to dance at their own convenience rather than the others. I hear you on the not smelling nice part; often people show up at dances after the have eaten garlic, onions ect. and they just don't think about the fact that it leaves an unplesant odor and sometimes the smell is alcohol and very heavy perfumes. "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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| As long as the man does it with style, you don't hear me complaining  One guy said to me a week ago at a dance evening: "If I dance with you, I'll make a lot of people jealous." In general, I do think it's rude, because usually the dancer (it may just be a "me-thing" though ) in question takes it as a personal offense... When a person says "no", I usually have the tendency to ask: "Why??? Am I not good enough???" (I walk away before I get the chance to though  ) "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero." - Horace |
| When I put forth the question if it is rude to refuse a dance it was with in mind those where you ask someone and they just plain say no. The worst of these is when someone refuses your request and then gets up to dance with another. As has been mentioned here I would understand a refusal with someone who has been drinking, displaying obnoxious behavior or conducting themself in some objectionable fashion. "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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| Michelle: I don't think any man would just say no and not offer her the reason while refusing a dance. I even had refused to dance Viennese Waltz with my 75 years old mother for the last 6 months. She had competed up till 3-4 years ago. Now she is really slowed down to a point that she is no longer dancing on the music. Please don't get me wrong, I love her dearly. But I did offer her the reason why. I told her that if we ever fell down while viennese walzing and she broke a hip and ever so disabled to dance again, I would feel terribly bad. My 15 year old son ( also competing ) was tripped by another couple while viennese waltzing with the dance studio owner. He fell and she was tring to hold him up without success. Just hope I myself don't become that way ( slowing down/dancing behind the beats ) anytime soon. By the way, your picture do not show up on your profile on the other discussion site. Tango2x2 ( me too, an asian ) |
| Originally posted by TheDitz: There are times it can be a rude experience. Refusing one partner with the excuse of 'being tired' and then finishing the dance with another partner, is extremely rude. I've had this happen to me, and by a friend no less. He hasn't made that mistake twice. Also, just replying with a 'no' and a dirty look is rude, especially if there is no reason for it. A lot of times, I've said 'no' is because I'm tired, don't do that particular dance, or because the dance has been promised. But I try to let the person know that it is okay to ask me later.
I don't mind showing basic dance patterns, but I'm not an instructor and am not comfortable showing intermediate patterns and I got tired of having that battle 3-4 times a Friday evening.
So where was I going with this...oh, yeah...Somebody declines a dance, shrug it off. There is always someone else who would be more than happy to dance with you. Which reminds me of another thing I never have appreciated; the person who "tutors" or advises you about something they feel you are not doing correctly at a dance. This does not include doing so if your partner asks you to show them something though. The person who gets up and dances with someone else right after turning another down has no right to ask for a dance. "Wherever you go, you represent the team. You will talk like, you will look like and you will act like the most dignified professional in your hometown" - Vince Lombardi to his players.
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