I have been taking ballroom for about a year and have a good & friendly relationship with my instructor who is much younger than I. He is very encouraging and never less than a gentleman. My problem is that I don't know how to request that he teach me the lift that requires that I wrap my legs around his waist. He knows that I am eager to try more advanced steps and techniques but I think it would sound almost provocative on my part to suggest this. Any advice?

Honestly just ask. If he is a professional there are MANY lifts and moves that are VERY sexual and as a dance instructor he knows this. However don't rush into lifts. They are dangerous and can require advanced technique. If you want him to teach you something specific just show him a video or picture. A lot of times lifts will be choreographed in a showcase routine or something so maybe request that lift in your next choreography (if you participate in those kinds of events). I mean a big part of why some people learn ballroom is to feel more confident and sexy, so own that lift and don't be afraid!

It is my understanding that lifts are NOT allowed in true ballroom dancing competitions. The rules state that a dancer must have at least one foot (or at least a toe) in contact with the floor at all times. However, lifts are permitted in "show" dances such as showcases. That's one reason I don't particularly like "Dancing With The Stars" because non-dancers think that the routines with lifts are what makes up ballroom dancing.

All that being said, I have been taking lessons for over 7 years and I cannot convince myself to do a lift with my pro partner, even though she weighs very little. My wife, on the other hand, has done many showcases at competitions that contain several lifts and she loves them. Lifts look great and always entertain the audience. One of my wife's favorite showcases involves her with 6 male teachers with many, many lifts involved.

Yes, I have heard Len Goodman criticize the pros for incorporating lifts but as I stated I am fairly new, less than a year and I participate mostly in showcases rather than competitions at this point. My instructor is much younger and very athletic and doesn't seem to have a problem physically with doing lifts and I am rather petite at 5'2" and about 115 lbs. In our last showcase we did "a trick" in a swing dance where he slid me under and between his legs facing me left than twirled me facing right before retrieving me back upright. It looked very stylish on video review and I hope to be open to additional lifts. I have seen video of a swing move where the female partner is lifted upward and encircles her partner around the waist as he circles with her. I like the showmanship of that lift however, I am hesitant to ask him directly if we could try it because it is somewhat provocative or suggestive in the minds of others.

Lifts definitely get attention. On that other dance show (So You Think You Can Dance), the contestants are young professional dancers, most with years of training. When they dance beautifully, better than almost everybody else in the world, the audience hardly seems to notice. But when they do tricks that your 12-year-old who is a gymnastics student can do, the audience goes wild.

When you dance for yourself, you're dancing. But when you dance for an audience it's a performance.