My "better half" and I are taking private lessons. Our instructor would ask me to dance at the parties. During the first three parties he would ask often. The next party he did not ask at all. This surprised the both of us. I have not asked him about this. I'm sure that he knows that I am a little disappointed (talking with other instructors there). However...the last party he asked if I would like to dance a two-step with him. He KNOWS that I do NOT like the dance or the music at all (Sorry to those who do!) I had to "pass". I don't understand why this would happen? Does anyone know if this is a teaching "thing" or what? I know that I didn't step on his toes! I'm just not getting it! Help?!

Anna - One thing you want to avoid is to make him feel obliged to dance with you. People are more resistant when they are obliged to do something. Score is zero out of four...and if it does not work next time, well, there are other matches and players in the future...move on. I think you are lucky because you have a husband that you can practice with anytime. Use him. Our instructors seldom dance with us during socials but I have a wife-partner to practice with all the time. After a while we are pretty much holding our own and have little need for our instructors during socials.

To avoid getting dizzy, avoid looking down on the floor as Len mentioned and do some spotting. There are probably more advanced dancers who can tell you more about spotting. Also, this website has a good description of spotting.

In my experience it is not uncommon for a woman to ask a man to dance, however, necessary permissions are to be obtained if they are with "significant" others. Again, this observation is only within the confines of studio socials or company of ballroom dancers. The conventional social etiquette of "man asking woman to dance" still holds true outside these settings.

Whatever happens enjoy and have fun dancing!

Anna- One way to keep from getting dizzy going around and around is to keep your head up- don't look down. I hope that this helps you.

Very well put Ric! Sri, I did not get a chance to ask for a dance (there were quite a few women there w/out husbands or boyfriends). I did however tell him (playfully) that "he owes me about four dances". So would that mean four "matches", Ric? At least he knows now (and he knows - I know he knows!) So, we will see next week. I know that he can give up one dance because I've seen him dance with some women two or three times! So, I'll wait for a Waltz and ask him. Does that happen a lot...ladies asking gentlemen?
My husband and I had our private hour before the party and learned a little Waltz. I LOVE the (I don't know the term yet) turning as you're going along the line of dance!! It feels almost like you're floating on a cloud or flying! How can you control the dizziness though? After doing that for some time you feel like the room is spinning and not you!! Anyone feel free to write back on these silly questions!
Anna

Sri - You've raised an important issue regarding the social etiquette of a woman asking a man to dance. It is nice to know that there are people who have an open mind with regards to this. Within the confines of ballroom, when asked by a woman to dance I feel like I am in a basketball or tennis court being asked by a fellow player to play hoops or hit some balls. Ballroom is a sport after all.

I have only one thing to say upon hearing that response. "That was Rich"..

Sri.

Thank you Sri. No, I have not asked him to dance. And I do think it is okay for a lady to ask a gentleman to dance! However, being pretty new to all of this it might feel a little awkward...I may just do that!
I am curious to know what your good number of other possible reasons are, if this doesn't work!
If there are not a lot of female students of his there alone...(wish for nerve, I guess)
I'll give it a try! If it doesn't work I'll be back here to let you know!
Anna

Mindy,
You asked for opinions regarding instructors dancing with students at socials. My bottom line: Is the instructor being paid for entertaining at the social? If so, he has a professional obligation to the students. However, if he is not being paid, he has the option of using the time to promote his instruction and "sell" lessons or to "play."
Obviously, like any dancer, he has the basic social obligation to not be a jerk. However, if he is not "on the clock," he can dance with whomever he pleases as often as he likes.

All other speculations aside... Anna, have you tried just asking this fellow to dance, or do you think it is not a woman's place on a dance floor (lets stick to this microcosm to avoid larger conflict) to ask a gentleman to dance??

In other words, just go ask him to dance, dammit. Even men like to be asked every once in a while (often, in my case at least).

If this doesn't work, oh goodness I could come up with a good number of other possible reasons.. But I think it will. Good luck.

Sri.

Frank, Thank you for replying to my question!
What you said made a lot of sense. I'm sure it's hard for a teacher to please everyone!
I love the Waltz even though I do not know how to dance it yet. My instructor knows that is the dance I like most and would most often ask me to dance. My husband & I just learned the Rumba enough to dance a song. I guess I just want to get on the floor a lot!
I know, I should be patient. You know what,
it's nice to have your instructor to show interest in your being there & wanting to dance! I'm sure you are right about it. I recall him asking an elderly woman to dance last week at the party. She usually comes to the parties with her husband and he was not there for some reason. I thought that was very sweet of him! And then too, he did dance a few dances with a lady instructor who works there.
Now, if there are FEW gals there this week and NOTHING...I'll know something's wrong!!
(I'm 1/2 joking...I'll die if that happens!)
Thank you again!